Remembering Fred
I fell in love with Fred instantly when I came across his picture on the Web. My Golden Retriever had died suddenly of a ruptured hemagiosarcoma, and I decided to check dog rescue sites to see if I could find a dog who needed a home. I knew the danger of moving too quickly to “replace” a beloved dog, but my house was too empty, I was too old to wait, and there were dogs out there who needed a home.
I never dreamed that I would find a dog as endearing and compatible as Fred. He was so perfect in every way. We started calling him Freddy Fuddy Duddy the first night he came to live with us, because he made his preferences plain. He was so dear! He amiably followed me everywhere and seemed very comforted by the howling plush monkey that Joe and Pat had included as his favorite toy. Over time, he acquired a huge collection of plush toys that made strange noises he delighted in, and he was fond of assembling some of the silliest ones and squeezing them relentlessly if I was on the telephone – a practice he never understood. He was an absolute affection glutton and wanted nothing more than long sessions of loving. When I wasn’t on the floor with him, he lay with his front legs crossed, a heart-melting pose that I later learned was an expression of his nervousness. He slept with his tongue adorably poked out, probably because of his missing teeth. We stay up very late, but when Fred decided it was bedtime that first night, he found the dog bed in our bedroom and sacked out in it. Later, when I did my yoga exercises on a towel in the bedroom, he got up and laid down next to me, probably thinking that this was a new sleeping arrangement. As fussy as he was, Fred always went with the flow.
Fred never barked or made any sounds, except in his sleep or at the Bark Park, if he saw a fight. He always felt it his duty to intervene and keep the peace. He didn’t like the beach party and he didn’t like the one vacation we took him on, to my sister’s house in Indiana. He made his low opinion of these things very clear. He loved his home and he loved the campus (where students always made a big fuss over him) and he loved to go with us wherever we went. At home, he was never more than a couple feet away from me.
Fred was such a mellow and polite dog. He was a little clumsy, but he compensated for that by being very careful about some things. He would inch his way onto the sofa with me and very gradually writhe his way onto his back for his beloved belly scratches. In the morning, he would gingerly climb into bed to nuzzle me awake. It’s so hard to think of life ahead without these things.
I hate thinking back and wondering if some of Fred’s cautiousness might have been from chronic pain. When he became obviously distraught a couple weeks ago, I took him repeatedly to the vet, but they were unable to diagnose anything wrong with him that seemed related to his symptoms. Even in 3 trips to emergency clinic in Huntingtown over 12 hours this past weekend, the vets were unable to detect any problem. Fred stopped breathing after he was mildly sedated for a scoping of his throat, and the autopsy showed that he was filled with tumors and leakage in his abdomen. The vets said that they would never have suspected a dog who looked as healthy as Fred could have been so sick.
For a little over 2 years, Fred was my life. He lit up everything for me. I shall never forget his beauty and his goodness and the little heart-shaped white spot on his head that I loved to kiss. It was irresistible. These memories hurt so much right now, but I know that someday they will bring me some pleasure. I am so grateful for the time I had with Fred. I didn’t waste a moment of it. He basked in immense and constant love here, and he knew it. Life is so painfully empty without him.
10 comments
Joanne, it sounds like you were put on this earth for each other. You were blessed that you found your doggie soul mate, and he was blessed in discovering the type of love and bond no one else could have provided for him. I know the pain is excruiating. I will be thinking of you and Mark, and praying for you.
Joanne – What a wonderful tribute to Fred! Your words have me in tears, I remember those feelings so well when we lost our Ben 2 years ago. You are correct, right now those memories are so painful, but they will be happy memories again for you one day.
What a wonderful testament to Fred and your love for him. He will always live on in your heart. You gave Fred the best years of his life.
Joanne, I haven’t talked to you since Fred went to the Bridge. I thought perhaps I could reach out to you through the GRRSM website. I feel as though I have lived with Fred through our endless emails and photos over the past two years. My life too, is empty without him, but I am grateful that you gave me the opportunity to know and love him from a distance. You gave a new meaning to “quality vs quantity” and I, along with you thank Joe and Pat for letting all of us have such a wonderful , wonderful golden in our lives. Some day you will be able to smile when you think of him or see his picture. That day will come eventually.
Joanne,
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your words had me in tears; what a heartfelt, warm and truly wonderful tribute to a truly amazing friend and companion. My heart breaks for you, as I’ve been where you are. Only time will heal your broken heart, but Fred was so blessed to have you as his mommy and to share his life with him.
Joanne,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your loving testament shows how much Fred was loved and I am sure he appreciatated the loving , secure home he had with you. We recently lost our beloved Darby whom crossed over Rainbow Bridge at the age of 16, and I know that he also had a wonderful life with us after coming into our home at the age of 1.5 years.
Treasure the memories, and soon some other golden in need will come into your life.
I understand the sadness in your heart and soul. You tribute to Fred brought tears to my eyes as I remember my beautiful Bella who crossed Rainbow Ridge last Oct. I didn’t think I would make it through, but with Pat’s help, adopted my sweet and lovable Marlee. She was sent to us by Bella with Pat’s help.
I hope and pray your heart willed be healed soon by another
beautiful golden. Judy
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words. They do help, especially since so many of you share memories of Fred and also know this terrible grief so well.
I still do not move my chair without looking around to make sure that Fred is clear. His absence is so huge.
[...] Golden boy Fred joined the rescue in 2007, and was a laid-back, friendly ambassador until he crossed the bridge in 2010. Fred also went to college with mom & dad, Mark and Joanne, who both teach at St. Mary’s. Read Joanne’s memories of Fred. [...]
So touching to receive this “pingback”. I have been thinking of Fred all day, missing him. There will never be another like him. He will always be my heart dog.
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